This post will be a “sticky”. It’s just some general information about things I am doing on the blog and things I’m not. Yet.
- My blog isn’t pretty. Yet. It will be someday. I know how to do it. I just don’t have the time right now. Plus, I prefer doing that stuff on a desktop. Yes. I have a desktop. A Mac and a Windows PC. Neither of them are set up right now due to the mess of ….. my life.
- I attempt to not use actual names of people. I either describe them using emoji words that I created for them years ago. (I have an entire language of emoji that I have crafted that only the people who know me well understand.) or I describe them using letters I have assigned to them. I dislike the DH/S/D type of designations others use. Why? I don’t know. It just bugs me. Perhaps because I feel that it’s less personal. The people in my life deserve “personal”. It’s just my way. So in general, you will likely see the following:
– My husband – “hubs”, or 🤴🏻🚶🏻♂️👾
– Oldest son – DM or 🧑🏻🗣🙉👊🏻
– Middle child –
As of a few years back, my child came out as a MTF Transgender person. So, SHE, is a she NOW. However, it has been weird, for me, when referring to HER, in pre-coming out time as HER, because at that time SHE was HE, and when I tell stories from the past, referring to her with female pronouns, and using her female name are difficult for me to wrap my head around. This has to due with some of my mental health issues. But, I find it MOST difficult when referring to my two eldest children because my ASAB Daughter, the youngest, was born when they were much older. They were born 13 months apart. Even after my youngest was born, the entire family always referred to the oldest two as “the boys”. Including my daughter in that, was “the boys” and daughters name. So, in terms of gender/name, my middle child has been understanding,
I refer to HER, from the point that she came out, to now, in the female using her chosen female name. I refer to her prior to that, still as male, using her ASAB male name. This can be confusing for many. But, it’s just what works for us. So, references to HER, will either be male/female, depending on whether I am referring to her in a time period between birth and coming out or coming out to present day.)
Male- AD
Female- LLS
BOTH have the same emoji name – 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♀️🤸🏼♂️🧗🏼♀️🎺
Just a quick mention…. BOTH of my older children have moved out and are building their own lives now. So, it’s just the youngest at home now.
PS- I have twin boy grand babies!!!
They were born 3 months premature. The first went home last Friday. The other is due to go home soon. They are currently referred to as MY BEANS.
Why? Because I’m 49 and I wasn’t at all prepared to be GRANDMA. As you will learn, if you hang around, I’m pretty untraditional.
The babies have a pretty large family of grandparents and great grandparents… so I “had” to be my own unique self. Before they were born, everyone was choosing the “names” they wanted to be called, so everyone had a distinctive name.
As soon as I learned they were twins I had started calling them baby peas in the pod. I love to eat steamed and lightly salted edamame. Soybeans in the pod. Peas in the pod. Too long to say.
Then, my youngest pointed out that edamame sounds like “mommy” or “mammy” at the end. It was a done deal. I am grandma “edamame.” Well, just edamame. And they are my beans. Eventually, each bean will get a distinguishing “type” of bean. But, for now, they are just my beans. 😌
Yep. I’m a weirdo.
– My youngest child –
Again, she is gender atypical. This is a RECENT development. Just before summer ended this year.
SHE/HE/THEY – ACK! the pronouns are killing meeee… I’m having to practically be retaught English from various perspectives of the QUILTBAG (its a real acronym. I found it here. “Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Vocabulary Definitions”.) community.
As a lover of the English language and the written word… it’s a task. Lol. I’ll get it. Eventually.
But, apparently, “LM, I told THEY to go clean THIER room.” Is NOT correct.
My 12 year old (as of this writing) ASAB daughter, is currently on what I call a “gender identity quest”. It’s no different from any other type of “learning who you are” developmental stage, in my opinion. She may be where she needs to be for now, but change later on. That’s fine. She also may be one of those people who learn who they are early in life and stay right here. That’s also fine. I’m here to support her, assist her in being comfortable with who she feels she is, and make sure she is safe, healthy, and loved. Yes, I am still referring to her as “her/she”. Because I haven’t adjusted yet and I’m still trying to figure out how this THEM/THEY/THEIR pronoun thing works.
However, as of now, I still use the same “code names” for this child. Because it just so happens to be fitting for male, female, and non-binary. Technically, I think she is gender fluid. She floats back and forth and sometimes she is neither… she says she is just “myself”.
Youngest child – LM or 👧🏼🌹🎧💡🔬
NOTE: The “names” of each person are NOT their initials. Ex: LM- stand for “Little Miss” or now, “Little Mister” or “Little Mx.” Neat. It’s nice that I am able to continue using the same letter code for this child as I always have. So, as you can see, it actually tells you nothing about the child’s name. And the emoji names are created from specific traits of each child. They occasionally change. LM’s will be changing soon. I’ll put that update here.
Those are the most frequent people I refer to. I also sometimes use an emoji name for myself. It is 👸🏻🍭🌈.
There. That should help decipher it.
3. Next, let me explain my blog publishing.
I rarely finish whatever I’m writing when I write it.
I have a symptom of diagnosed OCD and Bi-polar Disorder called hypergrapia.
You can read about it here on Wikipedia. and here in an interesting article.
But, basically, it means I am compelled by the obsession to write. It happens daily. Most often when I first wake up in the mornings. I’m trying to learn to control it more. But, it’s really hard. It drives my family and friends NUTS, which is part of the reason I need this blog. To capture my thoughts and relieve family and friends of the constant inundating flow of texts so long I have to chop them apart in order to send them, that takes them hours to read.
Because of symptom, and other factors, I have written THOUSANDS of long diary entries, letters, stories, etc. They are all over the place. In every writing app, cloud service, etc. that you can think of. They date back years. I continue to write daily. A lot. I have at current count, 72 unpublished drafts in this WordPress account alone.
I intend to clean them up a bit and publish them, hopefully dated the day they were originally written. I intend to find and add all of those scattered writings here as well.
I also plan to export all of my various online journals and import them here, or into the other more NSFW blog I have started. I won’t be linking things between the two blogs, as I hope to keep them entirely separate. As much as possible. For identity sake.
The back posting of items may be confusing to the readers. I apologize. It’s not meant to be. Simply put, it’s a method to end my madness.
I enjoy writing. I feel I am pretty good at it. I want to share almost everything I have written with others. My intention, from the moment this blog was just a sparkle in my eye, about 4 years before I finally found a name for it that was sufficiently all encompassing, unique, and completely removed from any user name I have ever used before, has been to collect all of my writing, even unfinished stuff, which I will simply tag as unfinished because my mind just doesn’t finish stuff very often… and there is no sense in my mind to try and go back several years to try and finish thoughts that I barely remember having… and place it all here. All of it.
Everything I can find that I have written since 2005. Almost everything I ever wrote prior to that was lost in a series of unfortunate events. But, a few things were saved. I’ll post those when I come across them as well.
WHY? Why put it all in one place? Well, I need to. For myself. I write too much and it’s a mess. I can’t find things. I currently have 253 untitled, unsaved, unfinished writings, in my drafts 5 app, alone. Just one app.
I also feel that some stuff I write, is useful to others who may read it. I like to share, inspire, help, give hope, vent…. if you have a blog, you probably understand that.
I also am trying to keep a digital record of my life, for my children and grandchildren, etc. I started writing when I was 8 years old. I went through a blank journal about once a month.
I started my first blog, before blogging was cool. On live journal. In 2002 or 2003. It was amazing. It actually chronicled a time in my life that was very pivotal on many fronts. It was lost, sadly. I immediately started a new one, early 2005. It still exists. But, I haven’t written in it for years.
On livejournal, I also have a poetry blog, all my original work, a couple of other journals linked to that that I can’t remember the names of at the moment… and a NSFW blog I started in 2009 or 2010. There isn’t much there.
In short, as an early adopter of livejournal’s platform, I became dissatisfied with their service as it degraded over the years. It sucks now. I don’t use it. I’m coming to WordPress. Nuff said.
I also have/had 4 tumblr blogs. I uploaded them to a safe place, and stopped using tumblr, when they decided to bow down to Apple. Not because I was affected by their actions, though I was, but because they shouldn’t have given in. It’s a principles thing.
Though to be clear, I am an Apple junkie. So, in short, all of that stuff has to go somewhere. As well as everything I have written that is just…. in apps. And handwritten stuff I will scan too.
4. This blog actually doesn’t have a THEME. It’s just my life. But, there are things I hope to include that are THEMATIC in nature. I’ll try to group them with tags. Note I said TRY. I’m a very mentally scattered person. So, there is no telling where this blog will go. And no telling what you may read from day to day. I just need a place to write and share.
Don’t expect consistency here, in any form. Lol. That’s a word that I know the definition of, and am very aware doesn’t EXIST in my life. So, go with the lack of flow, or don’t.
I INTEND…. to add more information about the non-organization of this blog as I go. But, the best laid intentions…. get lost in my messiness. I’m okay with that. I’m trying to learn to let go of my perfectionism and just be okay with DOING instead of DOING PERFECT.
I am in the bad habit of typing in caps for EMPHASIS. Because I have been texting for years, without any form of formatting available.
I’m not yelling, just emphasizing.
I’m trying to remember that I HAVE A RICH TEXT EDITOR HERE. But, I forget. It’s so second nature to me to just use caps. I type extremely fast. Lighting speed. That’s part of why my writing gets so long. Because I can type/text 5000 words before someone else can type 50.
My thoughts spin at my attention span extremely fast also. So fast that it’s a struggle for me to communicate in any form other than written.
Writing forces me to at least filter my thoughts and focus for a moment. But, I still don’t catch 75% of what flows through my head.
I have adapted to typing from handwriting because I have arthritis. It’s difficult for me to write with pen and paper, like I used to. If I COULD, I would still write tons of stuff by hand. I can color or write a short note with breaks. But, to catch my thoughts and try to put them on paper is simply too painful and I needed a way to write that could keep up with my mind.
So, I learned, and became very proficient with typing. As much as I write, it simply became second nature for me and I got faster and faster. Writing without a RTE, was my main format for so long, that I have programmed my muscle memory to automatically use all caps.
I WILL try to go back and correct it, using the formatting options. I’m not gonna do that with this post though. I feel it’s good to … let readers see how I actually write. It gives a sense of “me”, I think.
I’m also not going to do it right now, because it’s 10:30 am. I wake up at 5:20am. I’ve edited two drafts, written this, and done a bunch of other stuff on my phone this morning, so it’s time for me to put it down, and work on my priority project for today.
I’ll return to this at some point. But, I AM going to publish it. I’m trying to make a point of publishing new stuff I write, WHEN I write it.
Have a gorgeous day. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy my thoughts, the things I write, and find something you like here.
Peace, Love, and Rainbeauxs!!
👸🏻🍭🌈
Anticipating Procrastination by Chrys Albarado 